Club Juana and Eminent Domain

While in Orlando last week, I drove past Club Juana, a strip club in Sin City, aka Casselberry, F.L.A.

The sign on the marquee read: "Closed Due to Eminent Domain. Thanks for 43 Years. Look for Our New Location."

Such a typical cheap Central Florida move. It's not that I hung out at Club Juana, but I always thought the strip clubs of Central Florida were one of the few aspects of the place that gave it its character. For instance, Club Harem, (used to be called "The Boobie Trap") is a building designed to look like two breasts. These places just added to the weirdness of the melting pot within the melting pot that didn't quite melt.

But no, the Radical Right in FLA has finally gotten their way on this one.

It raises an ugly precedent, this awful awful Eminent Domain ruling from the Supreme Court. Or...maybe not. If I had my way, I would use Eminent Domain against pretty much EVERY FUCKING THING in Central Florida...the churches, the excessive strip malls, that disgusting "I-4 Eyesore" skyscraper built by the televangelist station. I would also use Eminent Domain to raze to the ground every shitty condominium those "@ Properties" jagbags are building all over the North and West Sides of Chicago. I would also use Eminent Domain against every rest stop along the Ohio Turnpike. And that's just the beginning.

But anyway--Club Juana. I only went there twice; no, really. The first time was with Frog because it was free before 4PM, and after 4PM, you'd get a free buffet dinner, and it would only cost you one watered down overpriced drink. The second time, a bunch of us just went because it was something to do. An old pornstar was there to perform and talk and answer questions about sex. She did her striptease, collected the folded up cashmoney between her boobs and her butt, and then, she fielded questions from the audience all about sex therapy, because, really, if you're having issues with sex, there's no better place to get those answers than a strip club, and there's no better person to get those answers than from a nekkid aging pornstar. The questions were from creepy guys along the lines of, "Where was 'Ass Busters Part 3' filmed?" As honest sex ed, it didn't really do the trick, but the entertainment value was A+ all the way.

They'll probably put some hokey martini bar there in its place--some Disnefied PG-13 version of Club Juana with fake mahogany paneling, cigar humidors, and framed pix of the Rat Pack being all drunk and chummy. They'll clean up that strip of dog track/jai alai gambling, strip clubs, motels, adult bookstores, and the rest, and replace it with a megachurch--false hope for day laborers and service industry slaves. Part of it will be googooplex theatres, creameries, tapas restaurants and the like. Something for both ends of the shrinking middle class--and the shrinking of the middle class is looking more and more obvious in a middle class place like south Seminole County.

But that's okay, because this small government conservatives love so much is busy making sure exposed titties aren't available for thems that wants to look. Way to go, Good Ol' Boys. Way. To. Go.